!!! Can WISH break you TWICE !!!

     Yup, its been long since I wrote last time but life itself has been a merry go round. Change of place (back homeYippie!!!)  which also means change of job and other perks with it. But today I chose to write because an old chapter of my life just got repeated not exactly in same manner but the start and the end result are same. So its gonna be an another long story....I hope you would be patient enough to read till the end.

After the debacle of my compromised engagement I chose to take a break from relationship and concentrate on my career and enjoy life for a year atleast and it was the best phase of life where I became more bold about my decisions and goals and achieved a lot from it. But time was running and again the pressure of getting into a relationship by parents started and it was also piled as my best friends were also getting married to the love of their life. I decided to go for the Matrimonial websites and got myself registered in 3 of them ofcourse for the free service (Gujju After all) but not really free as your number gets shared and your mail is spammed by them. Almost 5-6 months into it but nothing really caught my attention, a few Accepted ones but couldn't find on Facebook so decided to pass on. Until Diwali last year I found a profile of the girl really interesting, incidentally of my own community and preferable attributes like education, personality, thinking etc. I decided to send the interest and it got accepted in few days. I took the next step to search on facebook and voila found her. But she was smart enough to keep only few pics visible to all. I messaged her and got the reply in a day. She said "HOROSCOPE MATCH IS A MUST" I said I have been in an broken engagement if that doesn't bother you than I'll send you the details. She accepted and I send her the details. It took some time for her to reply after checking the horoscope match but we wrote each other once or twice in a while to keep the communication going. After a few days I got her reply "No, horoscope doesn't match, so we should stop it here. Best of Luck" I replied yes I know it matches on average, I already checked online. About a month and half later, during new year's eve I pinged to wish and got the reply as well and then we wrote to each other daily without realizing it. It went on quite well and we came to know each other very well. I hesitated to ask for her number but one day she herself gave it to me. My mobile didn't has enough space for Messenger but WhatsApp solved the Notification issue to avoid missing the message. Around Valentine's week I consulted my parents that should I ask again because for them some of her attributes were in doubt namely the comparison of our height, her native which was not on my Mother's good books, Horoscope match which created doubt for them as well because once they believed in it but were ready to let go. After a lot of discussion and requests by me they agreed and I asked her again, potentially proposed because by this time I knew her a bit more, most of our habits, personality matched and had differences as well. To which she replied she would consult her Mother, her Dad is tough to break but her Mom can do it and lastly she will take the decision after her cousin's marriage which were around that weekend. 

Till this time we had occasional Voice and Video calls according to availability because she is not allowed phone in her Delivery Center. One day she gave a shock by putting her Mother on call asking me my details and enquired about my family.....giving me a real SURPRISE but some how I managed it. Her mother asked to be patient as they were doing a thorough analysis of what can be done with the horoscope match. We still continued writing each other, greeting each other, talking and sharing pictures, food pics etc. Also we tried to know each other more during this period. One day she messaged me in afternoon that need to talk in evening and she was not quite chatty the last night which made me a bit worried. The entire day I couldn't get my mind off it and waited for the evening to arrive and more of the call. She told "The horoscope doesn't match and there are no remedies to it, but her maternal Grandfather said if you like then go ahead for it without thinking about the Horoscope...her uncle was ready to intervene with her father if required but meet me if required."

Her voice and mood had already made me realize that she is quite not liking it to say and was forcefully doing it against her wish and I tried to explain her what needs to think and then reply, I didnt had quite of it on my mind but my bookish knowledge and experience came to rescue and help me talk to her or as she said brainwash her which was never my intention. By this time we had known that we are quite a COPYCAT of each other and also had difference in quite of the opinions. During this time we discussed a lot about personal, professional life and many more thing thing under the sun. She came back stating lets meet once and take further course of action, we were quite a good or rather close friends by this time and decided that whatever is the decision but the friendship will remain as it is and that was the biggest reason to meet. I was on notice during that time and decided to take a few Comp off clubbed with week off because I wanted to give her surprise on her Birthday but she denied that there is no hurry in meeting and don't want to create some memories which might hurt, so asked to complete my notice period and then we'll meet. I obliged her and made it sure that I have a week in between the joining to keep 2 days exclusively for our meeting quite rather the traveling and tour of her city. Next few days we were only deciding on what to do and how to go, where to go and all. I was just counting days for two reasons, first being going back home and second being 2 days later meeting her. 

Finally the days arrived and we met for the first time F2F and enjoyed a lot on that 2 days. Some of the quieter moments at some place near riverfront, Lakeside, garden, candle light dinner were the best of all which just made me fall for her more even when I was being a lot cautious from my previous experience being hurt but for some time I couldn't control and sometimes walked away in hurry namely while bidding good bye for last time. I met her parents there, quite awkward for me to talk alone to grown ups and been interviewed by 5 people of her family and still holing it tight with a smile and answering to the best of my knowledge. I could see quite convincing a few and one difficult to break and one  unreadable. To top it she prepared so many things as per my likes, her specialties putting it all to the delicacies at once. The best moment at her home came when her most loved person her father asked for water but she ended up giving to me as being more focused towards me. I could talk all of it to her later with clear mind to let her know what I felt. When I asked her parents about me "They replied into take the next step and meet my parents to discuss further.." My happiness knew no bounds hearing that knowing I could do it. Actually my strength to go for this parental meeting was due to my friend who did it on his own while meeting his now in-laws. yet another day together knowing and opening more to each other I opened all my cards to her keeping my life as an openbook in front of her to read, she did it as well to an extent. Finally the time came which I didn't wish but knowing that much more of it is about to come I was equally excited.

I came back home, narrated everything to my parents but still they had doubts of their own but I tried and convinced a lot of it because finally me being happy was their motto, they agreed to meet her and decide further. While I was planning on how the next steps need to be taken, again I experienced that she was bit upset and asked to have a call, which again made me worried. She had her own doubts about living in a fast moving city, her career aspirations and family-work balance, home etc. I tried to provide her with clarity on what ever I can and being truthful to the current scenario I was at. I am an above average looking, well educated, earning handsomely to the standards of society and following my dreams, single child was like of many as my mother always stated but whatever prospects were shown to me never really interested me but she quite matched a lot. She asked for another day to think but she didn't want to waste my time as well because I was growing old as per her and it was just close to more than 6 months we were writing and talking to each other. The confusion and sadness in her tone already gave me the answer and sleepless night but I wanted to hear from her and next day she did it. She stated "My father don't want to send me in the fast pace city as he believes she cant manage there...but silently it was her decision as well along with horoscope thing."

The world came falling on me when I heard it even when I knew it because I had jinxed the same from last time when I left for job to another city same had happened, I was left alone and now again when I am back within 2 days I was rejected again only the last time was 2 months to rejection. It was only 2nd day to work and this had already made me sad which overtook the happiness of coming back home, new job and all. I wanted sometime to come out of it but the daily convos had made it impossible. Still I took 2 days to gulp the bitter truth and resume the daily convos. During this time I received the wedding invitation video of my best friend and roommate of 3 years, he was getting married to his love after seeing a lot of ups and downs from both of their family but they stuck together and finally were getting hitched. This struck my mind very sharply, I thought that even if she wants this and only the background scenarios are becoming an obstacle then we can also go through it. This live example and Bollywood Stories, some of her words had made me realize that this could be the possibility. As far as I understood her, she too didn't believe in horoscope, her career aspirations were high and wanted to grow in her field, she told money was not important to her but the partner is. With what all we talked and decided I felt that I should atleast talk to her about this once. But I was equally worried because I had the rejection twice and I didn't wanted to put her in that situation again, also my self respect and ego was not allowing me to ask her again, I also was worried that If its a No, i couldn't take the blow like last time happened, it took me nearly 2 years to come out of it and now it would be even more difficult because I don't have that kind of time. I told that I wanted to talk but she was busy and would pass it on and I was even relaxed that I didn't had to do it today. But the wait was just too much and hanging on see saw was just making it risky.

Finally one night again after low tone and tensed writing I took the courage to talk to her about this and explained whats going on in my mind and a lot of things. She listened patiently and replied with a "NO, its not possible lets leave it..." This time I couldn't hold myself and almost controlled because I couldn't cry to her. Again I was standing in the same situation where I prioritize my feelings above my self respect and again the situation was the same when I felt that this is the correct thing to do. Someone told me there is a reason why Brain is placed above Heart and I have always listened to heart but never Mind.  It has made me much more angrier with myself that even after going through it once I again tried it and had t go through all this again. I could have easily let it go but I chose this and pain followed with it. All the feelings that I had controlled during this 7 months had now all arrived at once leaving me shattered as to why didn't I showed them or told her about it earlier. But what can be done now. She said that her Mom is already looking for other prospects and she compares them to me, while she once said she wanted a husband like her uncle. The example of her requirement changed from her uncle to my attributes but not me, she knows that it is wrong but still she does it. But what could I do now, there are plenty of fish as they say, she said, Mom said but who will explain them that it is not the same. I don't feel like continuing or doing anything now and I started by deleting the Matrimonial Websites which I never used in last 7 months. 

How will life turn in the coming days, weeks or years....I don't know but definitely not the way I had expected...Expectations, Wishes always do Kill.....what is written for Me.... I don't know but Life has now been nothing but the daily course of office-home stuff...I may try to write but then I think about what...So meet you all until next time if I have anything otherwise Dasvidaniya!!!

!!! 2nd Anniversary !!!

24th Feb was the second anniversary of my blog....I started to write this blog with some inspiration from my life and it events but after writing the first one, I didn't publish it.I wanted to keep this only to myself and I kept it the same way for one and half year till I met her. I didn't continue with my first blog, basically dropping the idea. But on 23rd March I got my first reply from her when I had followed her on social media. At this time, my life was normal but a tragedy was awaiting to strike on me with my career. After a few days my project was discontinued by the client and our organization gave us the option to shift to a South State with the same package and work on a outdated technology or leave the job. Both the options were not feasible and I went into depression. I tried to look for every option and apply everywhere and was ready to work for even a lesser amount of salary but I was not able to find anything suitable.My health too was deteriorating and that was an added tension to my family. They gave me full support but I knew things were not good even for them. I had a month in hand and had to decide on something before I was kicked out of the organization. I had some balance in my account which I thought to invest in the weekend training to enhance my skill which could open a potential job for me. I started with it and time flew like the sand drops from the hands and you can't control it. I was soon going to complete the training but there were no signs of getting a job even after that. One day I got a job interview which I went through and that could have payed me double the amount I was currently receiving but that would drop my level of experience as the interviewer clearly told me that I was over qualified for the post but its completely my decision whether I wanna join or not. It was an semi government organization and that could have been a advantage in my resume but at the same time the level of work was also a question to me. A day later my senior project manager had called me to provide an offer in the same city and if I am ready to take this offer. He didn't told me about the work details and asked only for "Yes or No?" as an answer. I asked for sometime to think and answer as I wanted to analyze the options I had in hand and then take a decision. I also had tried to interview for an call center and of all the things I had, I chose to stay with the same company.

  At the same time I again had the chance to talk to the same girl while I was missing her on my profile and saw that she didn't logged in from last few days. It was 13th June, 2014 when we actually had conversation for the first time and soon enough from 21st June, 2014 we started to talk regularly. We both enjoyed talking to each other and discuss every topic in the world. Soon I let her knew about my blog which was left as a secret only to myself. She read and liked it and asked me why did I stop writing and I told her the reason. This time she inspired me to write further and I felt confident about myself and so I continued writing once or twice in a month. The feeling was so good and something different which I had never felt about myself. I told her everything about what had happen in the past few months and how I was trying to overcome it and she would back me on that. Somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little arguments and all our jokes....I fell in love with her even without seeing her or even her photograph or knowing her real name, age. But I didn't had the courage to say it to her. One day during our convo I came to know that she already have someone in her life and she is very happy about it. As soon as I knew about it, I tried  to move away from her. So I told her about it but she didn't wanted me to go and fought enough to make me stay. But with all the promises I left. I could have easily forgot about everything but the way she had fought, that made me think about her and myself and I sneaked into her profile while I was gone . Soon enough after two days I went back to social media and asked her if she could be my life coach. Initially she didn't knew what I was asking from her but after I explained it to her, she readily agreed to do it for me. Things started on a very good note and the understanding, bonding between the two of us grew so well that not even a single day would be missed without talking to each other and we knew what the other one is doing at that time. The time which we used for our convo was always fixed and slowly slowly it grew to be all day land night long. I started to fell more and more for her. One fine day we both came to know about the surprise that God had for us to make us meet. The details are in the post "A Journey to Remember". I saw her for the first time in almost 2 months and she was as beautiful as her soul. I realized that I was right for the first time in my life and this was what I wanted to happen in my life after all the miseries. Few days after coming back I had my sadist mode on again and after too much of over thinking I finally told her about my feelings. She took it very well and even though all of this happened she wanted to be friends with me. Even I didn't wanna lose her at any cost. We met officially for the first time and talked to each other in person. Basically she wanted to meet me to make me understand that its not possible what I want from her because she is already with someone but she could hardly do it while I kept on blabbering about myself and my miseries of the past. It was the best day of my life and didn't knew how time flew away. On that day I suggested her that I want to prove it to her that what I feel for her is love and not attraction. We decided to stop talking to each other for a week and then again meet next week with clear instructions from her that she would speak and I have to remain silent. I tried and answered every question after she had completed. Between I told her about the opportunity that I was getting in a different city. Now I didn't wanted to take it as I wanted to be with her. Partly because I felt completed with her and partly because of what I had known about her I wanted to accompany her with everything. I wanted to give her all the experience that she missed and above all I wanted to be there for her always. She would not share everything about her, just the chosen thing she felt comfortable about. During all this time I started doing things which I never imagined I would do. I started praying for us to be together, kept fast with her to accompany her and all this kinda stuffs. She didn't like this things but I kept on doing it.

  Soon the time came when I had to take a decision for my career but I was worried about leaving my parents behind and now I was also worried about leaving her behind as well. I talked to her about this but some how she convinced me to go and even I had to do it because I wanted a bright future with her and the pay was really good enough to end all my miseries. I accepted the opportunity and now I had only one month in hand. I decided to meet her on every weekend and she readily agreed to it. This weekends were the best time of my life. But at the same time I was sad because it was gonna end soon and hence I didn't wanted to leave any chance that I had to meet her,be it after work even on weekdays. At the same time I was worried that when I leave she would again be alone and also somewhere the bonding which I had with her now would fade away due to distance and she would leave. We had some beautiful time together before the day actually came when I had to leave. That last day, we had hold hands for a long time, I wanted to hug her tight and let her know how much I would miss her but she didn't allow and I had the last glimpse of her and tears fell down after we were separated. She was also trying hard to be normal on this day but couldn't control herself at the ending. Now we were officially apart from each other. Soon enough she had her exams and I made sure to wish her luck every single day. But she didn't liked it because I got up early ruining my sleep as I worked in night shifts. I knew she won't mind and I continued to do so. This time we had cut on our conversation as well because I didn't wanted to disturb her while I was missing her a lot...and one fine day I ended up telling her. She reacted weirdly to that and started saying vague things and I got frightened that she wants to end up everything. I tried to talk to her but she got held up and we ended up having our first fight. I punished myself for that and didn't talk to her but soon enough we patched up and discussed the differences between us. After the exams were over she got busy in her cousin's wedding and the conversation now lasted only for a few minutes. And it was completely stopped during the wedding week. She didn't ping me even after 3-4 days when the wedding was over. I knew she might have been held up and not using her phone so I used a trick and that worked and she replied back with a sorry and would catch up as soon as she is back.

  Everytime she was traveling, she would inform me, but this time she didn't and by now my sixth sense regarding this was perfect and I had already sensed it that she was returning back. The next day we talked but she seemed to be totally different. I could sense it and somewhere I knew what it could be but kept mum and wanted it to come from her but she denied every time and said everything is fine. I wrote my blog about how I missed her during this couple of months and let her knew and she broke out to that. She told me everything is over and tried to be rude. She said she can be friends but nothing else. I was not able to gulp this well and tried to argue but all this was on chat and I couldn't call her at that time. I punished myself again that day and next day I called her and tried to convince her but she went far being rude and even I replied her the same way. We stopped talking to each other for months together. During all these days I realized how badly I had reacted and understood that I had to be sorry for what I done to her. I went home after 3 months and first thing I did was to meet her. I messaged her about the place,time and I reached there. I waited for almost one and half hour but no signs of her. Then I got a reply, again a rude one and saying that she is not in town. I couldn't believe and I did a reality check on it. I called up at her work place and they gave me the address where she could be. I sprinted my way there only to find out that it was an off day for her there. I didn't knew what to do now. I believed her that she is not there for 2 days and waited for her ping. But as expected she didn't ping me when she was back. I reached at her work place again uninformed and this time I met her. She went in shock to see me standing there in front of her and I assured her that I would leave in two minutes and not take much for her time. I said sorry with folded hands and handed over the bag which was a collection of some gifts for her. She denied taking it but I was adamant not to take it back. I got up to leave but she said wait as she wanted to talk and said what had held up and we talked for good 10 mins. She was busy so I started to leave and she asked if I could wait for her another one hour, I readily said Yes and I did the same. She came out after one hour and we started to walk. She asked me the questions about my well being and then broke the news to me. I already had wrote a letter which was in the bag stating how wrong I was to come in between her love and so I was okay with the news. But when she said its not the same person and her expression and the way she was telling, I knew she was not that happy with the decision but as always she knew how to pretend well. I argued again to her but she kept on saying the same but with a sad face and a fake smile trying to joke it out. I could see on her face how disturbed she is and how difficult it is for her. I wanted to help her but she didn't allowed. She said she had cried over this and is firm on this decision now. I wanted to console her but had no words, I wanted to stop her but didn't knew how. She wanted to go and told me don't know when she can meet or talk again. I asked her if she wanted to or not and she said don't know. She said things are held up for now but in sometime it would be all be ok and she went. I kept watching her go while I wanted her to stay.

  I had cried,hurt myself, begged to God a month ago when we first stopped talking. But now I just wanted to kill myself for this. I didn't went there to be with her but after knowing all this I wanted to be with her even badly. Somehow I gathered myself from pieces and came back to work city. I was not feeling good about anything during this time and once I stopped myself on a busy highway just near enough to be hit by a Traveller. But I couldn't give away my life. I had to look after my parents being the only son and my responsibilities towards them. Even though I am not dead physically but am dead from the inside just leaving life for sake of living and responsibilities. During my visit my parents had arranged an meeting with family to look for a potential bride. I went there for my parents wish and talked to the girl and told my parents about the honest things I felt about it. Next day again they called them home for second meeting against my will and made me do it again. This time more confidently I could answer them about this. When I went back and all the situations were blowing up in my mind, I succumbed to everything and told my parents to do whatever they want and I would be ok with it. After a few days they decided and asked me if I was ok with the decision. I again told them I am ok with anything they choose for me. I knew where I am heading to and its an added responsibility and matter of someone else's life. I decided that I won't hurt anyone because I knew how it felt. But still I was unclear about this and tried talking to friends to have a clear view. Everybody said something and one of them even said that you always got "No" from everybody and if you are getting this opportunity grab it with both hands. Somewhere I felt insulted but I knew what he was saying is also true. Nobody was able to clear up my mind and honestly I knew it was me who has to take the decision and face its consequences. I got call from Mom and she talked very emotionally.  I wanted my parents happiness and so I chose what they wanted for me. But things didn't clear in my mind. One fine day I had a huge argument with them regarding this and I ended up hurting them more. The only thing that I wanted was their happiness but even I failed there. I failed on the only reason to live as well. I started to act as a fool and started drinking heavily to clear my mind. Apart from this I was not having food for many reasons. This just added to my health issues making it worse for me. I tried to talk about this to every one I trusted upon but I was not able to conclude about anything. I started asking questions to God about what he has in the store for me and why is he doing like this to me. I heard people saying that they had or have face much more then this. But I am concerned about myself and what I am facing and what am gonna get outta this.

  I just know that she came into my life at the very right time and did all the right things to me. Be it for whatever reason, she withdrew herself from me leaving me back alone and now I am so lost that I have lost my own being. They say time will heal all this, but for me time is only making it harder for me to accept it. I am trying to keep myself busy everytime doing something and keeping people around to overcome her thoughts but its like with every breath I have her thoughts and I know am never gonna overcome this in my life till I breath. I don't know whether this matters to her or not but I know how badly it does for me. All I want is to be with her again at any cost. Otherwise I have to live with screwed up life till my parents are around and if am alone after them I would too leave this world. Also I am just wondering and praying God to end my life asap and end the sorrows I have brought into to the people who care about me. I don't want to give up myself making them feel down about themselves but naturally I wanna leave this world. I don't know whether I am gonna write further in future or not but certainly this blog journey has been my only support.....

Dard dilon ke kam ho jaate
Main aur Tum agar hum ho jaate
Main aur Tum agar hum ho jaate

Kitne haseen aalam ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jate

Dard dilo ke kam ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar hum ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar hum ho jaate

Kitne haseen aalam ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jaate

Tere bina na aaye sukoon
Naa aaye qaraar mujhe
Door wo saare bharam ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jate

Ishq adhoora duniya adhoori
Khwahish meri kardo na poori
Dil toh yehi chaahe
Tera aur Mera ho jaaye muqammal ye afsaana
Har mushqil aasaan ho jaati
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jate

Kitne haseen aalam ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jaate

Baaqi nahi kuch par dil na maane
Dil ki baate dil hi jaane
Hum dono kahin pe mil jaayenge ik din
Inn ummeedon pe hi main hoon zinda
Har manzil haasil ho jaati
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jate

Kitne haseen aalam ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar Hum ho jaate

Dard dilon ke kam ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar hum ho jaate
Main aur Tum gar hum ho jaate

P.S. I don't know if YOU are reading this or not but I want you to know that YOU are the only heal to all this and if possible heal me.

!!! Липсваш ми много !!!

      So I have reached this new place and I would write about my experiences of this new place soon but for now I want to write about how much I miss her..The day I reached here, she too had came back home from her trip early this morning, but I reached at my place only in the afternoon. I was already late for the office and my mobile battery was completely drained. I went to my PG room that my friend had chosen and the first thing I did was to charge my mobile. In the meantime I got ready for the office in the next 10 minutes after a tiring journey of almost 20 hours on the last seat of the bus. I was awake till early morning while traveling, partly due to the seat allotment and moreover waiting for her to reach home safely and ping me about it. As soon as I got ready, my phone rang and my roomie gave me the phone and I saw her name on the screen. First ever call from someone close at this new place..and it was her. But to my apathy I was in a hurry, I answered the call and told her that am being late and I'll get back to you soon and don't worry I have reached here safely without even listening to what she had to say. She said OK and I hanged up the call. 

 Her exams were starting in the coming weekend and obviously it was not possible for us to have convos as long as always. But still we did as much as possible before bedtime, where I took report of how much learning she had completed and what next is to be done. It was for a very less period of time as compared to what we did when we were in the same city, afternoons...evenings after dinner and continuously going on till late night when I would reach home from office. I decided to reach out to her every morning wishing her a good day and would call her on the day of exam when she wakes up...when reaches the exam center and after the exam is over. But she was not happy with the idea pertaining to my night shift, she wanted me to sleep undisturbed...but stubborn as she calls me...I didn't agree much. So mutually we agreed the calling part on exam days and rest of the days she would give a miss call when she wakes up. She argued a lot on this and finally agreed. It went smooth for a while but then again something came to her mind and she stopped giving the miss call. So I decided to wake up and give it. She was very much angry on that part but I didn't want to argue with her and that too during her exams. So I finally gave up. 

  All this time I was trying to adjust with the new city, new office, my new home, food habits and all alone in it....and away from the only one I wanted to be with in my life. Its life and it can turn out in any way, giving you the biggest surprises and shocks. Recently I had both of them in a very short span of time. And at one instance I had both of them at the same time. I told her about what was happening around me in the convos we had, and 10 days later I couldn't control myself and told her how badly I missed her. She tried to be arrogant by saying, you should not miss me and concentrate on what you have gone for. How could I explain to her about my situation here....what I was going through....But I had to control myself...owing to her exam time. Next day with the morning message she replied with a lot of things...something like taking her step backward from what I had chosen her for..telling me she doesn't fit there anymore...and not left worth for that...I kept arguing on this...Somewhere with all things going on lately in my life and this convo made me think that she's gone...I tried to call her instead of continuing with message but she didn't pick up and hanged up on me...This created a more strong feeling....I tried continuously to reach her....22 times in a row...but she didn't pick up. When I saw her messages, she said she can't pick up due to her constraints but my mind was not ready to accept it. I tried calling again thinking she is lying because she didn't want to talk to me. And then she used the words which I never thought to do to her even in my dreams...Soon she went offline and switched off her phone...I kept on trying again and again continuously for another 30 minutes but no reply...When she came back online after sometime...I requested her to talk once and she agreed with a lot of anger. When I called her after sometime...she just erupted like a volcano on me...said the harshest words ever to me....but I had to control. I faked laughter on some of them and calmed her down...as I didn't want this to affect her results at all. I was the one who was supposed to be angry on what she had done but instead I chose the opposite because more then words or anger, I cared about our relationship.

  In all this I couldn't talk to her about how pathetic I was feeling after what she had told me in the convos and hearing the harshest words from her. But according to her I was guilty and so I decided not to eat or drink even water the entire day as a part of my punishment. I went offline...since I didn't want to disturb her anymore. I didn't came online for the entire day. When I came back home after the night shift, I saw her messages...asking for my well being...about how difficult it is to bear her and her anger and she would continue to message me even if I don't wanna. I explained to her what I did to myself as punishment and why I did that and wished her morning and went offline. She was not happy with what I did to myself...but we both didn't wanna things to go this way. It was a first big fight between us and glad we sorted it out as adults. We continued as mutually decided but I won't call her twice if she didn't pick up the call during her exam days or any other day as strictly instructed by her and somewhere now I was afraid as well going against her. Everything went smooth till her exams were over and I was hoping of a good convo for a long time. But I almost forgot about her plans to attend cousin's wedding and all the things she had to do before that...Also she told me how busy she is at work after the study leave's and the task she had in her bin. I was happy with what she was doing and even congratulated her about it. So obviously I had to take a step backward as she had many things already on board and adding me on it would do no good to her or me for the matter of fact. The amount of convos were lowered day by day and it was understandable. I was feeling low due to many things going on and now I didn't had anyone to talk about it too. Somehow she understood that one day and called me up to check on me and instantly there was a big smile on my face forgetting everything that was happening to me. I was glad she had called me. 

  Soon it was my birthday...I thought she wouldn't remember and I tried to be normal as well...and I avoided talking as she was very tired. She called up at 12.05 am, wished me and I tried to fake it but she was sure about it. That had made my day already. Next day she told me about when she is leaving and how many things are left and all. I could understand how busy she was and had to console myself and be glad with all the time she gave to me. Soon the day came when she was going....and we did our regular thing when one of us goes somewhere. I knew she would get more busy but still we had regular convo and the next day, she told me she would be gone for 2 days and would not be able to message me and would let me know when she is back...I knew what she was going for and I couldn't agree more to that. Besides she was very excited about the wedding and I wanted her to completely enjoy it and didn't want to bother her with me..2 days...3 days...the Wedding day...5 days...6 days...7 days...Still No message from her. I was not sure if she had her phone or not and didn't knew how should I reach her..I tried a trick with the messenger sms request which she saw in sometime and replied me as the good old days on social media app. She told me how busy she was these days and the network issues she was facing...I replied its Ok and ping me when you are back. She said in 2 days she will. Again the 2 days time after the 7 days wait were a lot harder to pass. But had to pass them anyways...On the 2nd day I felt like she would be traveling and I waited for her to inform me as always but she didn't ping me and I thought she is not coming today. But late night I felt like she is indeed coming back and I was up till the time she reaches home normally and kept checking on the train, but still she had not pinged me...but I knew she was back and would message me later.

  Same day before her bedtime, there was her ping and a big smile on my face. I asked her if she is back and she replied YES. I felt a bit angry because she had not informed me about it and she told that how does it matters and that finally she is here safe...Again we started with the normal talk as always but this time or now a days it is short enough compared to our normal time, like just the time before bed wishing Good Night to each other. I knew she was busy these days, tired after coming back from a wedding and then I came to know she was not well too all these days... I felt isolated that she didn't lemme knew about it...but her reason was not to make me anguish thinking about her. But knowing it now had made me more worried about her. She felt better in coming days, but she did something which again made her health low. I was again angry with her on this and she earlier denied to tell me the reason for it but eventually ended up telling me unlike other times. Yes she likes to share only what she is confident of telling, analyzing the consequences...otherwise holding back is an great quality of hers. I complained her about me being patient to talk to the normal her while she was busy these two months...and she said Good...you have to be more patient for some more days and replied I will...But I want you back asap.

P.S. First of all, I am dedicating this to our 6 months of friendship and togetherness...It was a great time of my life with all the ups and downs, sharing and discussing it all with you. I wish that this time would never end in our lives and we just grow old together and make our lives divine. Talking about the current situation we are facing....either you being Busy Bee or me being miles away...this time shall go away soon and we'll be together...Just in this course of time, we should not forget of how close we were...and what kinda relationship we share...and the original WE that had started six months ago.... I know its not possible to stay like that always but whenever we have sometime, we could behave as earlier times...forgetting about the world around us...talking for hours and not looking at the time passed and enjoying it to the fullest and the shmiles we had (yes the extra h's I missh in convos being used by you). With this I rest my pen for now hoping for your coordination as always. Bash!!! ;P

"Hum tere bin ab reh nahi sakte
Tere bina kya wajood mera 
Tujhse juda agar ho jaayenge
Toh khud se hi ho jaayenge judaa
Kyunki tum hi ho
Ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho
Tera mera rishta hai kaisa
Ik pal door gawara nahi
Tere liye har roz hai jeete
Tujh ko diya mera waqt sabhi
Koi lamha mera na ho tere bina
Har saans pe naam tera
Kyunki tum hi ho
Ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho
Tumhi ho... Tumhi ho...
Tere liye hi jiya main
Khud ko jo yun de diya hai
Teri wafa ne mujhko sambhala
Saare ghamon ko dil se nikala
Tere saath mera hai naseeb juda
Tujhe paake adhoora naa raha hmm..
Kyunki tum hi ho
Ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho..
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho"

Finally dedicating the song of my life to YOU.... ;) :*

!!! Avant de Au Revoir !!!

  Saturday was spent super well..but Sunday was my turn and after what she had done for me, I was confused about what special thing should I do to just be on the same bench mark as her...forget about doing more then what she had done for me...I had the idea of copying her (as always she thinks of me Copycat ;P) and pick up from her place...but it was a tough task as she was trying very hard to meet me on this day due to her constraints and busy schedule. But what after we meet...where should we go keeping into account the limited time we had...I asked her what she wanted to do, but as always her answer was I don't know and lets keep it simple..nothing special and all..I insisted her and after a long time she asked if its possible to go for a Metro ride..Considering the time we had I tried to figure out the plan but it was cut to cut time and if we miss it, we would be late and apart from that we would not get some space together..We had discussed this earlier about going together and that's why she had asked for it and so I kept this option open for us. But I have to have a plan B for it and then I thought of the place where we could sit down and spend some quality time together...Between this she came up with a movie name asking me if its released somewhere nearby the place and if we can go for it...A movie plan was already spoiled a week ago due to some unforeseen issues but this time I wanted to make up for it. I instantly checked for it but to add my miseries it was nowhere released in the nearby cinemas..but I went to check out the storyline and I was happy, confused and excited to see the movie she had chosen..It was already released in some another countries so I checked if I can get it online and we could watch it together. Bang...I got it and that too in a very good print and I was more then happy to inform her about it. So now I had something to the rescue...all thanks to her..

 I had to get up early again tomorrow and this time...I had to arrange a lot of things...all small things which she likes or I wanted to do for her..so we bid good bye to each other and slept. My mind went through a lot of things...wondering about tomorrow...Is this it?? What would happen tomorrow?? Why this day had to come and that too so early when things are yet undecided...and what not..

With all this and little sleep I got up early next morning and got ready as the previous day...I had to wait for her ping for the timings as decided yesterday. After sometime I got her ping so that I planned accordingly and left from ma place. I collected all the things one by one and searched for the remaining ones here and there and reached the station..The train came in sometime and so did the ping from her that read "Leave when I tell you..." but I informed her, "I already did and would be there in sometime". She informed me that she is not ready and would take all the required time and this would be my punishment. I replied with an Ok, no problem and was almost at her station. I decided to walk as she would take time and I had to take the remaining things as well..I got in the shops and could not get one thing anywhere..At one shop I glanced and turned to leave...the shopkeeper called me from behind asking what I was looking for and I told him with confidence because I didn't found it...but he then showed me that and I was like what was I thinking...why couldn't I see it there.I took that and left...I didn't knew her exact place so I went to the point she left me yesterday and found a shade as it was very sunny..I was standing for almost 20 mins and then took a seat and then after another 20 mins...I could see a girl rapidly walking on opposite side of the road...she was almost running...I got up and sprinted towards the opposite side and then behind her..I didn't want to shout her name and she was walking very fast and when she stopped at a point and looked down towards her mobile, I went from behind and asked her "Are you looking for someone??" It was clearly visible from her face and heavy breathing how much she had hurried up the things to get down here asap...The very first question was "What is wrong with you??" I was just looking at her...and I didn't answered her question but I said "Why are you looking so dull today??" She got more furious on that remark and I said that all of a sudden without thinking of anything how would she feel about it. (Though I came to know later she was unhappy with me on that remark of mine about her) Then we had to decide on a place as we were already running late by almost 40-45 mins. She suggested some nearby places but I insisted on going to a place of my choice. We immediately took a rick for the station and as soon as we got in, I gave her one of the things...she was just looking at it and wondering about the color this time I chose....I told her don't think and just take it..but she didn't and I kept it forcefully on her lap. She picked it up and kept in the bag...thankfully she had brought a big bag to occupy all the things I had brought for her...

  The station came in this time and we got down from rick and walked to the platform. A train was already coming in a minute as per indicator and so we rushed to get in but as soon as we reached there she denied to get in the crowded train with me..We waited for another train and decided to take different coach if the next train is crowded as well. In the meantime I went through my pockets to give her the second thing and she shared it with me, also we shared a light moment on it about the 'count'. Soon the train arrived and it was similarly crowded so I took her to the nearby ladies 1st class coach and rushed to get in mine. We got separated for another 10 mins in our meet but because she was comfortably traveling, I could wait for her till that time. As the station came I got down and walked towards her coach. We walked towards the rick stand and got into one for the place we  wanted to go. As the rick started I again went through my bags to give her the third thing but she refused to accept it. After convincing her a lot she accepted it. She was not accepting because she thought it was a waste of money for me, seeing my current circumstances but it was not. We talked about it and in sometime we reached the place. While walking towards it, she said she would pay for it today or she is not coming in...I knew she would come anyways but as she was adamant I let her pay and we went inside..Soon we found a good place to sit with no disturbance and she removed the 1st thing to check it out and kept it on the table. As we didn't had anything for breakfast we ordered it first. The music or songs playing in the background was just perfect for my situation. I started murmuring it along and she was looking at me...because the playlist was just well suited for the situation I had. Soon we had the breakfast with a hiccup where we changed the food ordered for her.

  Looking at watch and the time left for us, I started the movie she asked for yesterday and we saw it together with the same headphone on my mobile ~ Ya our first movie together...the storyline was quite similar to our situation...At some situation or scenes in the movie I would get excited...but she kept a very low profile about herself or feelings. At some of the adult kinda scenes she would ask to forward it but at one instance the scene would come again and start at the same point...she was like "You wanna see her...so you are repeating the scene again and again...Dekh le.." But seriously it was not like that. At some of the scenes I could relate it with my own situation and tried to control my eyes drops...and sometimes I used to tell her "You see that..." The movie was soon over and I was very happy with its climax. Soon we got up to leave. I wanted to have something sweet together because I heard somewhere "Jab ache dost bichad rahe hote hai, toh unhe kuch meetha khana chahiye saath mein..." But as she was getting late she denied and said she was full and didn't want to have anything. It was one of the thing in my list and I didn't want to miss it...so considering the time factor I went for a work around thing which we took as a parcel. We took a rick to the station and again I went through the things to give her the next one...This time it was Best of Luck wish from my side for her upcoming exams...I could see in her eyes how happy she was taking this..she always says NO for everything first but for this she readily accepted it...After this came the last one but definitely not the least. The thing from where it all had started and used the same words while giving it to her....she was very much surprised and said "Even I was searching for the same thing to give it to you...asked my sis as well where I can find but culdn't find one, have you read this already?"  I told her I have already read it and also she should ask me before gifting me something to read to which she replied "How can I tell or ask you when its a surprise for you... ;P "  Also an idea of autograph came into our mind...and I did on the most important page. The station arrived soon and we started walking towards the platform. 

   I could see on her face, something was bothering her and I had a little idea about it...but when I asked her she gave me some vague reasons....I knew as always she had different words in her mouth and different thought in her mind or probably heart which her face was conveying...her eyes were controlling the tears..We got settled down on the regular seats...she was a little better or was trying her best to be...In the meanwhile I also tried to be calm as I had already decided...I didn't want to breakdown in front of her...I had many things to say to her...before I go...I started asking to keep her hand on my hand...I somehow gathered the strength and was telling her about my feelings again, I don't how many times I already did that...and my phone ringed and it was ma parents so I had to take it...They were coming to station and were going to the same place as we where, so I had to tell her and we changed our place and went a little far away.....we again settled down and I answered some of her doubts and was trying to continue with what I was saying...The call had disturbed my tempo and flow and the feelings which I was trying to convey to her...She said its ok and go on...I tried to recollect things and told her.....whatever I told her had mixed feelings from my side...something I didn't wished to say her but just to make her comfortable I did it....Soon the train arrived...I saw if my parents are around and then we board the train...The destination of train was same as ours and so it was very empty. Still she was standing there and we relived the moment of cage which we like a lot...After sometime we went inside and settled down and continued with normal chat. Soon the station had arrived and people started to get down....I had accepted a challenge from her and I completed it in my own style...to which she questioned what was it and I happily told her Challenge completed. She didn't react much...This was the very first time I had touched this way and that very second was just unforgettable...We walked out of the station and she checked how much time we had after the constraint thing  and confirmed that we can have a little more time to spend together..
 
  We again went to the place where we always met and stood there for sometime...Talking of things about us...the challenge which I completed in my own way and what it would have been if I would have done it in real and where...she said I too like it that way...I said jokingly..."Should I??" Instantly she replied with a No.... :( We started walking towards her home....through the same roads we always used to take...through the markets and places where we stood or have been together...last time before I leave. We had a refreshing drink together...our last thing before I leave...I wanted to share the same but she was not comfortable so I dropped the plan..But the vendor gave only one drink and we shared a light moment about it...and had separate drinks.We sat there and had the drink peacefully...Again we started walking...and I saw the landmark to her place and thought why do this has to come so early...As soon as we were there..we shook hands and she tried to pay me for all the remaining meets to which I refused to take but as always she was adamant... so I took a amount as a shagun from her. We walked a little more and reached to the place where she left me yesterday night and I was waiting for her in the morning. 

I asked her "Is this it??" We were looking at each other...I was at least expecting a hug from her but in her mind she didn't want to give me that as a memoria....I tried more but she again gave a vague reason which I didn't buy but had to give in..She said lets walk ...and quickly I wrapped my left hand towards her left shoulder and took it away immediately.....still nothing from her side...We walked a little and stopped near a building and she told its the place where she lives...I saw the building name and people moving around there and decided to leave her now...She stopped a rick for me...I didn't wanted to go yet...but she insisted...I didn't want to see her while I leave so I told her to go inside first...I got into the rick and saw her last time before I leave...she was far away...and soon the rick took away from the place...And now I couldn't control and my eyes dropped it...I had asked her not to do so...and here I myself did it...I knew we are gonna talk to each other as always we did...that's not gonna stop but not seeing her or not being with her...that thought was the main culprit of all this.....Again in the night...we talked as always and I waited for her to board the mid night train...she asked me to sleep and not wait but I did it and after confirmation from her...I bid her a good bye...

Thousands of thoughts were going through my mind and I was almost not able to sleep that night 
Is this it?? She is gone and and would be back a week later...I would board the bus on the same day she would board the train to come back...This time I won't be there when she comes back...I would go far away from everybody important in my life for a long time...new place...new beginning...memories..nostalgic...

TBC later...

P.S. Tumshe judaa hokar muje dur jaana hai...
       Tumshe judaa hokar muje dur jaana hai... 

:'(

!!! Sweet Memories !!!

  It was a weekend plan before I leave...and I decided that Saturday would be her choice of place,planning and Sunday would be mine. We met on Friday evening to decide it but she said she was not sure about what needs to be done on Saturday as she is not much of a planner in such kinda things..But somewhere I knew she would do something special for sure..but I couldn't guess what it would be. When we had our regular chat on Friday night she said about her busy schedule in the early afternoon, so there was no other choice but to meet her early morning 9 am. She didn't mention 'am' and I thought she was saying to meet in the evening at this time and that too at a place away from her own. I strictly denied to her and we had an small argument only to realize about my misunderstanding. I agreed about the time and she confirmed whether I am free on that time or not. I was and even if I was not, I can make time for her. With this we shared Bye's and were fast asleep as I didn't wanted to be late as always, I was and I knew she is thinking the same as she is also not a morning person like me.

  I was in deep sleep and suddenly woke up to see the time and it was still 3.40 am and I again jumped to bed, again I did the same at 4.30 am, 6 am, and finally woke up at 7 am. I hurriedly finish my daily chores and my parents were happy to see me up so early and getting ready so fast. I pinged her before leaving bed but there was no reply until she said she would be late and I should not leave my place till I get her next ping. It was already around 8.20 am something and I kept my phone for charging and forgot to remove it from silent profile..assuming she would take another 30-45 mins..I couldn't wait that long so I decided to receive her at the station without informing her and unplugged my mobile. What I saw on screen was her message "I am standing near your building..." I jumped to see outside my window but couldn't see her near my building gate..(I knew she is not good at address and roads) I wore my sandals instead of shoes and ran from home without answering Mom. When I went outside the gate I could see her standing in front of a gate of my nearby building looking for me and then she turned to see at me coming from behind and that moment was just priceless. I couldn't react to that and kept on asking her "Why's and How's...nd all". So we moved and she said she wanted to see the place which was pending from a long time which gave me solace...We headed straight over there..this time the roads were the same but going with her gave me a different feeling...There was this place in between for our favorite breakfast but as it was not viable to eat over there itself and no other place where we could have taken the parcel to eat..so had to drop that plan..Slowly moving towards that place...seeing it in front of us...we went to the exact position where I sit. "This is it...." I said to her. For the first time she told to hold her hand and I was shocked at what she was saying but instantly did it with fastening heartbeats..Holding it freeze my hand and suddenly the blood flow stopped to make it look white or gora in color. I took some pics of it and with many trials, we could get the best pics of it. Then we left from there after sometime..and we discussed whats next?? I argued it to go for movie nearby but she already had some different plans... "Can we go there.... " she said and I instantly said Yes..because that was the thing I always wanted to do with her. She had already planned about the train and all but was keeping a low profile to make it instant...We took an auto and reached station..I knew that train would be crowded even if it was an Saturday as I already took that train for sometime for office. I informed her about that but she wanted to come with me and even I wanted the same but I couldn't be that selfish when I knew she could comfortably travel if we travel separately..I was able to convince her somehow and dropped her till her coach and got quickly into my regular coach only to find some regular face and many of them were new. I wanted her to take rest as I knew it was not normal for her to be up so early but she did this all for me..and that feeling was more then the world for me. It was about an hour journey and I wanted to check on her but the stupid network didn't allowed it via messages and I didn't want to call her and disturb just in case she was asleep.

  

  Again it was the same feeling when we were in the same train but different coaches and soon we were gonna get down and meet each other. I received her messages just before we were gonna get down but she did that 20 mins ago which clearly said she didn't sleep and was over thinking clearly. Our destination was same as train's and so we got down comfortably and I walked towards her coach direction...but she had already got down and we met and walked towards the exit from the station. The TT stopped us to check the tickets and the way she proudly showed her special pass and the look on her face was very cute. I was going to that place after a long time like more than couple of years and what could be best then going again and that too with her. We walked to the place through some old memories and recollecting the path as well. Walking slowly towards the place and the time we were having together cannot be compared to anything. We reached the place and had a small discussion on some of the beliefs...and it was divine when we actually were at the place together....The time as if could have freeze there itself....I wished...We sat there for some time and I could see the dream coming true and had good time. Then we came out of that place and I asked her to again sit at one of the place..the place was sloppy but still we managed to sit there and then I asked her to close her eyes and forward her hand towards me...then I slipped the thing from my pocket and kept it on her hand...I didn't know how she would feel about it...but it was very special for me and what could have been a better place then this to express my divine feeling towards her...for the first time she said the word "I jus ... it" and my purpose was fulfilled with it...Soon we had something to eat as she was hungry from morning and rushed to the station in taxi..to which she paid forcefully..

  There was again a local from there to our place and we went to the platform and soon there was an announcement of change in platform...again we relived the moments of running for trains holding hands and reached there to catch the train in time and occupied our seats.. After sitting I could how tired she was running between the platforms and also the exertion she took for the day...and all this for me...I was just looking at her face..I knew she wanted to sleep...I offered her the pillow but she denied..the headrest on another side of her..but denied that too...the time past very soon then the time it took in the morning to reach..At one moment of time I was continuously looking at her and she was like What? and turned away my face multiple times...I knew I was missing something that could happen but it didn't happen...and we continued to look at each other..By this time our station came and we got down and soon I walked her to the rick thanking her for the most wonderful time I have had with her today....

P.S: You try your best every time to fulfill my wish and speak a hundred lies for me...❤ 

The time we had was the time of my life which I could never get again apart from you...You say you are not good at planning things...but the day could not have been better and I had lost hope that we could ever visit that place...but you chose it on your day...just PRICELESS. I cannot express more here but you could have seen it on my face.... I was like this all the time 😁😁😁😁 and it would stay the same with you throughout our life. 

Sharing with me what you were reluctant of doing and me realizing the same at that moment...Just no words for that...

!!! A New Beginning !!!

(Continuing from A Journey to Remember)

The feeling that I had from the last few hours was just awesome....I joined my parents and we went to my uncle's house there. It was a plan of a day more (the present Sunday and Monday). But her plan of stay was entire week. We continued to talk when ever we could get some time on these days because basically her stay was pleasant but mine was boring except the convos with her. 

  I again boarded the train for my return journey and text her that we won't have convos until she is away. She replied affirmatively to that and we stopped the convos for some days...I don't know whether she was feeling the same way or not but I was badly missing her and our convos and was just waiting for her to come back. When the day arrived she said "Same journey, same coach but you know what's missing..." and I knew whom it was for with a wide smile on my face. The regular convos started again upon her arrival with some hiccups mostly from my side. The next big thing I wanted was to meet her after that short trailer. We had already discussed this many times in our convos but I wanted her to be first comfortable to meet me, when I had given her so many reasons not to. But she always replied positively about the meet despite of all the hiccups. I was just waiting for that day to come and few weeks later on a weekend, we were planning our first meet or should I say "date". It was an awesome feeling, I wanted everything to be perfect...the place, ambiance etc. Finally we decided on a date and time according to our prior commitments. It was decided to meet exactly after 7 days and the countdown had began...I used to bore her with the countdown message everyday. I was excited and not at all nervous, but she was a bit nervous and that was quite clear in her convos. But as the days went by, the nervousness was gonna be transferred on my side and she would feel more comfortable as she had let me know. She had asked me something for the first time and I wanted to give it to her at any cost. But the cost was not at all that big but the moments it gave were priceless.

  Finally the day was nearby, I was thinking of how it would go and whether everything would be fine or not. The night before my or should I say ours big day, the convo went on till late night more then our normal time and I had many things left from my side on the To-do list. The most important of them was to take the chocolate that was left from our last meet and the second most was to go through all our convos till date to keep track of everything that had happened between us and the things that we said, we would share when we meet face-to-face. We exchanged quick Bye's only to see each other soon in the morning. Co-accidently (Ya we used this word) this time my parents were not at home, so I could go on and on for late night but had to get up early to complete some household chores and get ready for the big day. Yes it was a very big day for me, probably it was going to be the best one for which I was waiting from the last 24 years. But this time, I was not at all nervous as I thought I would be...was just being normal and calm. I completed the chores soon and started to get ready and wanted to look perfect more then the last time...but the time went away so fast and I was already running late by 10 minutes to the scheduled time. I quickly went to the ATM and then got something for her...which she likes the most and had also asked for the same in the convos. I messaged her of me being running late and there was no reply from her side by then. Though it was a Sunday, the trains were packed as any normal working day and there was no connecting train from the nearby platforms. The first train at that moment to my destination was on the platform far away from my current one and so I had to sprint to get in it on time before it departs. After I got into the train I checked her message and there were like 6-7 messages from her, even some of them were before my last one which were loaded this time. She had already reached on time and was waiting for me...but in her message she bullied me by saying, she would go away in the next train, whether I am gonna join her or not? and many more things...but the last one read...I will wait....got down at station and sitting.

  My heart was pumping heavily now as the station was coming near by and I went closer to the gate and the train was entering the station at that moment...I saw her sitting there, looking for me in the train...I got down before the train stopped and moved towards her...she got up and I caught my ears for being late, making her wait while I should have been there before her or at-least should have been there on time. She said me something which I didn't remember because my attention was grabbed on how fab she was looking and I  turned away my face from her to be in my limits. I asked her whether she wanna go somewhere else or the same place that we had decided or rather where I wanted to take her and she told "NO, lets go there only.." The next thing she was asking me was about being late in a sarcastic way, whether I was doing household chores and I replied to that with a Yes and the list of work I did this morning.. All this time I was walking ahead of her and slightly faced towards her. We went to the nearby rick stop and I asked her to wait, while I'll go and get a rick for us. I got one and asked her to get inside the rick and I followed her inside..I hesitated to start a convo so I started it with the driver asking him if he knows the exact location and whether he can drop us at the place itself. (Yes we went to a place which was new for both of us.) He replied to leave us on the landmark and we need to find it out after that. At that moment, we stopped at a signal, where two lady beggars approached us and gave blessing to us as a couple...I shooed them away without realizing how important that was for me...Then I looked at her and she was like "Pata nai yaar, yeh log aisa kyu karte hai...kisi ko bhi saath mein dekh kar aisa aashwirwad kaise de sakte hai..." I was thinking like "Yehi toh mujhe chahiye tha..." and then we discussed how these beggars especially small children harass to get some money.
 
  As soon as there was some silence, I did a hand gesture to let her know how beautiful she was looking...and the expression she was gave at that moment was priceless for me..I wanted to hold her hand but knew my limits and stopped myself...soon I gave her what I had brought for her and asked her to give one of them to her sis who was covering for both of us...We again started with some regular discussion and soon the rick stopped, driver told us this is our landmark. I asked her if its OK to get down here and search the location on our own and if she was fine with it. I gave Rs 50 note to driver and the meter read Rs.29, he gave me a note of Rs.20 and for the first time I let go my one rupee that too with happiness and even without the driver asking for it. I asked an uncle going nearby about the address and he pointed in the opposite direction..I said her Lets go...again I wanted to hold her hand while we were crossing the road but my limits didn't allow me to do that and I was walking a feet away from her but checked if she was crossing safely...Now we were walking close to each other and our store was just few steps away. I opened the door for her and we entered inside and asked her where should we settle down...she chose to sit at the last while I suggested her to sit at a  nearby seats but we went to the last seats and I offered her seat by pulling it back for her...never did anything like this before but was trying to do whatever I knew or saw. But she said its Ok and got ithe opposite seat..we shared a light joke on her seat position and she told lets go where you wanted to sit but I felt we were sitting at the perfect place. To get started I asked what would she like to have and she said to just wait for sometime...I said Ok. She went through her bag and gave two chocs, one each for my best friends and then a gift for me...

I was shocked...what should I do because I didn't had any experience of accepting gifts and that too from a girl....I said NO but she said, she would go away if I don't accept it...also god won't spare me for this if I don't accept it...I knew she won't go, but I gave up on my guilt and accepted it. I  behaved rudely, even didn't thank her for the gift or opened that in front of her...After sometime she said its ok to order now and I asked her choice of drink and she selected the same one which I wanted her to have. I went to the counter to order it and returned to her....we started talking again and then I told her everything about me and my life...nobody had heard me with this concentration...I was constantly looking into her eyes and talking...she did became conscious at moments every now and then and I would take my eyes off for a moment and then again into her eyes and face.Whatever I was talking to her was not at all planned and was just coming out directly from somewhere...

   It was becoming impossible for me to take my eyes off her and soon they called us to pick up the order. She asked if she should assist me but I denied...At least now I had something to distract myself from her, but still I continued to do so...We discussed many things about ourselves one by one and then came to the point which was of the most importance and probably she came for that only. She had told me in the convos she would win and I told her, I wont let you...but each time she was trying to say something she felt nervous with the way I was looking at her...it was very clear on her face and gestures. She was to be the confident one and me the nervous one as discussed last night but things turned around vice-verse. Our arguments went on and on without looking at the time...I told her many things, asked her few things and she would just blush and get nervous at whatever I did or ask her, tell her. She told me many things about her which I actually didn't knew. She tried to get the strength each time and speak but again she would lose it when she saw me looking at her. Unplanned or impromptu I asked her if I can say her the heart gushing words which I had already told her two times in the convos..she said "No..." and her face became so red and I said that to her...This time too I wanted to hold her hands but her nervousness took her hands on her face and I had to again control myself. There were many things I told her just to let her know how I felt about her, but she was just thinking "why me??"  I tried to give her every reason I had, to convince her but her mind didn't allow her to gulp it. Just in the same way when a first-timer wants to have a hard drink but at the same time controls the mind to not loose the self control. The talks were on and on and suddenly she turned my wrist watch to have a look at time and it was time for her to go, but she stayed. I was happy as well as worried for her...so I decided to stay for next 30 minutes. Our discussions throughout the time were right from past life, ex, career, future,present and what not. I was in the flow and an store attendant approached us if we can help them taste new thing and made me forget what I was saying...and then I was striving hard to recollect the flow. Then she showed me her pics along with some friends but who was looking at friends when the most beautiful one was sitting right in front of me. I also got rude to her when she tried to talk about her present, which I realized later in the day. The clock showed it was time to go even if I didn't want to and somewhere even she didn't want to.

  The saying or experiment  "Time moves faster when you are with your loved ones.. " became so true  for me today..We got up and replied Bye to the attendant and I got the door for her...We went to the rick stand to go to the station. I had told her that it is between two stations, so it will take same time to reach the another station as well..I was under the impression that she stayed at the another station and asked if we should take rick to her home but she surprised me by saying she stays somewhere else even beyond my station...She had given me a lot of such surprises today...but I was liking each and every one of them...I asked her whether the time she spent with me was perfect or not and the thing we had at the store....she replied it was..and then went into the flow, telling me how after many days she is wearing what she likes to wear and how she enjoyed all the moments like reliving the college life. I don't know how, but I replied to her "Just think about these things you just told me and reconsider your decision..." and I looked away from her thinking in my mind did I actually said that to her? And she replied me "You always leave me in jitters..." I saw that we were nearby the station and she went through her bag and handed over a Rs.50 note for traveling expense. (She was very adamant that she would give her share for everything we spend and then only she will meet me, but somehow I managed to make her understand and paid our first date bill but would take her share for anything else we do. ) The meter this time read around Rs.40 and she was trying to pay me for the last time too..I took that and returned her change of Rs.30 which she was not taking...I told her I don't wanna touch you so please take this...and kept it on her bag. I hurriedly got down and by mistake handed over the same Rs.50 note to the driver and took the change and realized that only after the rick had passed. I wanted to keep that note to me. As it was Ganesha Festival going on, there was a pandal outside the station and there I saw her praying. We started walking towards the platform and this time I was quite near to her instead of moving ahead or away. To strike a convo I asked her, If her father would meet us around or not? To which she replied yes he is at office today but you don't need to worry about this..because it would be me who will face the music from him. I didn't knew how to reply to that but I said if required "Toh yaad kar lena mujhe..."

  Soon we were looking at the indicator and the train arrived on the same platform which would take us both home and we started walking towards the front side of the train. We had decided that she would come along with me in the train when we are going back home. Suddenly when we stopped she told me "Lets skip this train and have some more time together..." I couldn't believe my ears on this and my facial expressions were mixed with shock and happiness. I respected that and told her its ok and lets see when is the next train and on which platform...Till this time the train was there...but the indicator showed there was no direct train for her in another 20 minutes but there was one for my location. She asked me, would I get a connecting train from there or we have to change platforms...I replied yes we need to change but she was ok with it...but somehow I was not and I told her lets find some silent place for us in the train on this platform and by the time we find that the train started. The train to my home location was expected in a minute and we saw it was arriving on the other platform. I told her "Moti, lets run and catch that train, you will lose some weight too... ;P" She replied with a smile and we hurried to that platform. Again I moved fast leaving her behind me and till the time we reached the platform, the train was already crowded and we decided to skip that train too. This time I was standing facing her looking into her big deep eyes and realizing that they are brown just like her natural hair color. I told her about this to which she replied "Yes I know, many people told me that..." I was not expecting this answer but can understand that she didn't knew how to react to that. The next train was only after 10 minutes and I wanted her to get into this one anyhow. We decided that the plan of going together needs to be scraped in order to get her home in time. So we started walking on the front side and again I walked ahead of her as there was too much crowd on platform...Then we were at the place where I told her about where I was waiting for her during our last train journey and where I went instead of taking a turn on this side. She said I was not here at all, so you wouldn't have found me here. We stood there itself as I thought it would be ladies compartment looking at the ladies on the other side of platform. Again I was looking at her face and could not get my eyes off it. (This time I wanted to grab that face in my hands and just... but I controlled myself to be in the limits. ) I told her to slap me and distract me from doing this as I knew I was making her feel uncomfortable..but she didn't. Instead she was telling me to look at a girl nearby who was beautiful and also about the other girl at the previous platform. I replied her "I am looking at the most beautiful girl right now.." and she replied "You always leave me speechless..." 

   An outstation train arrived on the platform and she told me, she had traveled in this train. She said her dad is fond of traveling and that they were deciding to go for an outing of 2-3 days and told me the location if I knew. I replied "Yes I know about all the locations...but haven't been there. I need someone to accompany me" She instantly asked me "You need company for everything na??" I replied her "Its like something which is left incomplete in my life till now and I want someone to come and complete that for me...complete my life by being the better half literally... " By this time the train already left and it was time for our train to arrive. We came near to the edge of platform to get some space...but the coach was a general one with a lot of crowd. I wanted her to get in this train anyhow...She was saying something from behind...I told you the ladies coach is still ahead and I told her Lets run... Again I was in front and she was behind me...but somehow my right hand was stretched behind and it was hold by an another one..running on the crowded platform shooing away everybody on the way...we got near to the Ladies first class coach and just a step away I told her "Here you are...go..(leaving her hand...)" She got into the train safely and it started at the same time...She waived me with the expression to which I thought "I don't wanna go yet..." and I turned my face away thinking..."Please stay.." Then I looked at a married young lady who was smiling at me after seeing what we had did....I couldn't get into the same train as of her today on both the occasions. I climbed the foot over bridge to see which is the next train for me and from which platform and I saw it arriving at another platform and ran to get in with the gift she gave me...The train was so much crowded that I thought its good she already left...But somewhere in my mind I was thinking that if we had not skipped the first train, we would have traveled together till my home location and have ran again there to get her into the ladies compartment for the remaining journey.

TBC....maybe...

P.S.: Thanks would be a small word to say for the precious moments that you gave me today and above all you trusted me to spend your valuable time, though you had all the constraints and odds in your life. I saw a new side of me today which I thought never existed...be it the confi I am talking about or you know what I am talking about...Ya I also did some mistakes today which were being rude to you when you wanted to talk about your present or the regret from what happened to you even when I was there...but the most memorable parts were your blushing face when you asked to skip the train....the way I was looking at you at the platform and asked you to slap me.....and the one when we ran holding hands. But the moment when I had to leave your hand and you waived from the moving train were the most painful.  I hope it was the same for you as well..... 

I know you wanted to visit that flyover where I find the solace...here it is....I would take you there very shoon....

" I wish GOD makes the words of those LADIES come true soon..."

And this is for you from my side......

"Ye dil tanha kyun rahe
Kyun hum tukdon mein jiye...

Main adhoora jee raha hoon
Hardum ye keh raha hoon
Mujhe teri Zaroorat hai
Mujhe teri Zaroorat hai

Andheron se tha mera rishta bada
Tune hi ujaalon se waaqif kiya
Ab lauta main hoon inn andheron mein phir
Toh paaya hai khud ko begaana yahaan
Tanhaayi bhi mujhse khafaa ho gayi
Banjaron ne bhi thukra diya
Main adhoora jee raha hoon
Khud par hi ik sazaa hoon
Mujhe teri Zaroorat hai
Mujhe teri Zaroorat hai
 

Haathon mein mere zanjeere hain
Tuhi aake inko nikaal zaraa
Kar mujhe yahaan se rihaa
Main adhoora jee raha hoon
Ye sadaayein de rahaa hoon
Mujhe teri Zaroorat hai
Mujhe teri Zaroorat hai....."

"I don't know what would be the climax of this chapter and how soon or long it would take...but I know one thing...I deserve the BEST as someone told me...and I don't need to tell it again and again that the BEST for me is YOU.."